There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
