Already got asked if we're dating
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
