I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
