i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We named our party play list daddy issues
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
