There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize