i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
