I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
