you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
