even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize