I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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