ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I party with great urgency now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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