i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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