census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
