you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
