just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
