I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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