i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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