Someone shit on the floor
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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