Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
