i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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