Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize