I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
