So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize