Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
