they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
