I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
