I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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