Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
