i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You took a bar mat shot.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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