highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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