I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
