why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
