And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
