Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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