Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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