Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
