I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
