I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
