I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
