Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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