i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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