i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
