I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
