And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a hot homeless man
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
