You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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