I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
