I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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