Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
