Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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