Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
