I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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