just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My balls are so social today.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
