pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
