There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
