My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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