If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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