Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
