I can tuck mytits in my pants
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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