matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
