if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
