all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
