I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
