i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
