Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
