Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
