i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
