Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
