I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
